Every morning the farmer had eggs for breakfast. He owned no chickens and he never got eggs from anyone else's chickens. Where did he get the eggs?
- From his ducks
How can you place a pencil on the floor so that no one can jump over it?
- Put it next to the wall.
How is a pig like a horse?
- When a pig is hungry he eats like a horse, and when a horse is hungry he eats like a pig.
How many acorns grow on the average pine tree?
- None. Pine trees don't have acorns.
How many beans can you put in an empty bag?
- One. After that the bag isn't empty.
How much dirt is there in a hole exactly one foot deep and one foot across?
- None. A hole is empty.
If you had 5 potatoes and had to divide them equally between 3 people, what should you do?
- Mash them first.
On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
- On the outside.
What can turn without moving?
- Milk. It can turn sour.
What can you add to a bucket of water that will make it weigh less?
What can you hold in your left hand but not your right hand?
– Your right elbow
What goes from side to side, and up and down, but never moves?
What goes through a door but never goes in or out?
What has a foot on each side and one in the middle?
– A Yard Stick
What has a hundred limbs but can’t walk?
– A Tree
What has a neck but no head?
– A Bottle
What has four fingers and a thumb but is not a hand?
– A Glove
What has two legs like an Indian, two eyes like an Indian, two hands like an Indian, looks just like an Indian but is not an Indian?
– The picture of an Indian
What increases its value by being turned upside down?
– The Number 6
What is dark but made by light?
– A Shadow
What is ploughed but never planted?
What is shaped like a box, has no feet and runs up and down?
- An elevator
What kind of beans won't grow in a garden?
- Jelly beans.
What kind of coat has no sleeves, no buttons, no pockets and won't keep you warm?
-A coat of paint.
What kind of fall makes you unconscious but doesn't hurt you?
What kind of pool can't you swim in?
-A car pool.
What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?
– A wet one
What lands as often on its tail as it does its head?
– A Penny
What lives in winter, dies in summer, and grows with its roots upwards?
– An icicle
What man is strong enough to hold up a car with one hand?
– A policeman
What turns everything around but doesn't move?
- A mirror.
When will a net hold water?
- When the water is frozen into ice.
Why can't it rain for two nights in a row?
- Because there is a day between.
Why is a room full of married couples empty?
- Because there is not a single person in it.
The more of them you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?
Farmer Joe was cleaning out his big old dusty far shed. He dragged out an old water container which was full of old dirty water and it weighed 5 kilograms. Joe put something in the container and then it weighed less. What did he put in the container?
– A hole
A patient is rushed into the emergency ward of the hospital after a horrific road crash, and is in urgent need of an operation to save his life. The surgeon on duty walks into the room and says, “I can’t operate on this boy, He is my SON!” But the surgeon was not the boy’s father. How could this be?
– The Surgeon is his mother.
You are in a hut
you have a match
what do you light first
- answer: the match
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
– A carrot
Where do fish keep their month?
– A river bank, of course
What walks all day on its head?
– The nail of a horse shoe
I have many eyes but cannot see. I have no mouth or nose, but always smell. What am I?
– A Potato
It lives without a body, hears without ears, speaks without a mouth and is born in the air. What is it?
– An Echo
I have a little house in which I live all alone. My house has no doors or windows, and if I want to go out I must break through the wall. What am I?
– A chicken in an egg
What is it that you will break every time you name it?
What is put on the table and cut, but never eaten?
– A deck of cards
While walking across a bridge I saw a boat full of people. Yet on the boat there wasn’t a single person. Why?
– Everyone was married
What’s full of holes but still holds water?
– A Sponge
What has four legs, a head, and leaves?
– A dining room table
What has wheels and flies, but is not an aircraft?
– A Garbage Truck
Where do you find roads without vehicles, forests without trees, and cities without houses?
– On a Map
How many seconds are there in a year?
– 12 January 2nd, February 2nd etc.
12 pears hanging high, 12 men passing by.
Each took a pear and left eleven hanging there.
How can this be?
– “Each” was the name of one of the men passing by
There’s a one story house that’s all blue inside. The floor was blue, the lamps were blue, the walls were blue, everything was blue. So what color were the interior stairs?
– One story houses have no stairs
What goes up and never goes down?
– Your age
What runs around a house but doesn’t move?
– A Fence
Two mothers and two daughters go to a pet store and buy three cats. Each female gets her own cat. How is this possible?
– There is a grandmother, a mother and a daughter.
I can sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg
I have plenty of backbone, but lack of good leg,
I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,
I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole.
What am I?
– A Snake
A boy goes and buys a fishing pole that is 6’ 3” long. As he goes to get on the bus, the bus driver tells him that he can’t take anything on the bus longer than 6’. The boy goes back to town, buys one more thing, and the bus driver allows him on the bus. What did he buy and what did he do with it?
– He bought a 6’ box and put the pole inside diagonally.
What weighs more – a ton of feathers or a ton of rocks?
– A ton is a ton!
Your mother’s brother’s only brother-in-law is asleep on your couch. Who is asleep on your couch?
– Your Dad
Why can’t a man living in Winston Salem, NC, be buried west of the Mississippi?
– Because he is still alive
Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
– A barber
What is the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
– To cover cows
What won’t break if you throw if off the highest building in the world, but will break if you place it in the ocean?
– A Tissue
What kind of room has no windows or doors?
- A Mushroom
What kind of coat can be put on only when it is wet?
– A coat of paint
What grows when it eats, but dies when it drinks?
– A Fire
What goes up and down without moving?
The one who made it, didn’t want it
The one who bought it, didn’t need it
The one who used it, never saw it. What is it?
– A Coffin